ANGER AND ROAD RAGE
By William G.
DeFoore, Ph.D.
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The following is an excerpt from Dr. DeFoore's best-selling book, Anger: Deal With It, Heal With It, Stop It From Killing You.
SKIP TO: DEALING WITH OTHER PEOPLE'S ROAD RAGE
DEALING WITH YOUR OWN ROAD RAGE
That's My Life You're Playing With!
It is clear that the most dangerous place you can be is flying down the highway in your motorized vehicle. Think about it. There you are, a fairly soft, vulnerable creature sitting in your huge chunk of metal hurling down strips of concrete at break-neck speeds often only inches away from others doing the same thing.
Some of your fellow travelers are a little confused. They think the highway is a video game or a racetrack--or maybe that's you that drives that way! The only time the highway looks like a video game is when some car, truck or motorcycle is treating it like one. To some people, it is actually fun to drive their chunk of metal within inches of your chunk of metal and scare the daylights out of others!
And then there are those who are just downright aggressive behind the wheel. Some of us actually use the relative anonymity of driving alone in their vehicle as an opportunity to release the anger they are not venting anywhere else. That means that all the other motorists are potential victims of anger release from total strangers. This makes the road dangerous for you and everyone.
Ignoring the flow of traffic, driving slowly in the fast lane, driving too fast in any lane, tailgating, cutting into openings that are not quite big enough, making last minute decisions that shock other motorists and requiring them to make sudden adjustments are all aggressive and dangerous moves to make when driving.
You know that rush you feel when you are exposed to one of these situations? That surge of energy that pulses through your body? Well, that is a mix of survival-based fear and anger. Your life is being threatened out there on the open road, and there is virtually nothing you can do about it. The road-rage addicts get off on this rush. The rest of us just want to get where we’re going in one piece.
How often do strangers threaten your physical life on a daily basis? If you’re like most people, it only happens on the highway. What an excellent opportunity to study your own anger! If these examples apply to you, you can use your driving experience as a sort of laboratory in which to study your anger and anger response patterns.
When you are pushed, crowded, tailgated, honked at or otherwise put at risk on the road, your fear is saying to you, “Danger! Watch out!” and your anger is saying, “I don’t like this and I’d like to do something about it!”
Do you see anything wrong with these reactions? Of course not. They are natural and healthy. The fear is because of the threat, and the anger simply brings the question of what to do about the threat. Anger is designed to spur action to protect life, limb and loved ones. That is its most basic level of functioning.
Options for protective action on the highway:
Unhealthy options include: making an obscene or aggressive gesture, yelling and cursing, following the dangerous driver and running them off the road (becoming a dangerous driver yourself), or in the worst-case scenario reaching for a handgun. All of these of course add to the problem, and in some cases are against the law. If you’re not careful, your anger will make you part of the problem, and then someone else will have to figure out what to do about you!
Healthy options include: calling your local free cell phone number for reporting dangerous drivers (check with your cell phone customer service for this number), driving all the more carefully to counter the insanity of the driver who has just endangered your life, or silently wishing for that driver to be stopped by a patrolman soon, before s/he kills someone.
I learned in a defensive drivers class that if someone is tailgating you—which is one of the most common and frequent ways in which your safety is endangered on the road—you can just slow down to a speed where 1) the driver is very likely to pass you and 2) if an accident happens there will be less damage because of the slower speed. This is an interesting option from the standpoint of learning about anger. Regarding your own anger, it gives you a way of communicating to the tailgater that you don’t like what they’re doing, and it further shows them that you are not going to be intimidated into driving faster or dangerously to get out of their way. This is a good example of a healthy anger response.
The idea here is that we need lots of options for dealing with our anger. One reason is that anger is so closely connected with the emotion of love, and we want as much love in our lives as possible.
Here are some techniques to use:
-Imagine sending love and joy to every motorist you see. Sounds hokey, but all we're trying to do here is get you and everybody else where you're going safely--so, whatever works!
-Imagine that it is your loved ones that are in those other cars.
-Remember that every one of the motorists around you has a mother, father, children and may in fact be a good person that you could like!
-Turn on some soothing music.
-Breathe deeply, and try to relax your muscles.
-Wherever you are in a hurry to get to, think about how you will feel if you get a ticket, have a wreck or go to the hospital instead of arriving. Go ahead and slow down and risk being late.
Read here about 10 Steps to Controlling Your Anger
If you think you might be addicted to anger & rage, read this.
DEALING WITH OTHER PEOPLE'S ROAD RAGE
Here are some ideas about how to respond effectively to other drivers' road rage:
-Get out of their way. Since safety is your main concern, try
not to aggravate the other driver.
-Remember a time when you were in a hurry, irritated and angry, if you ever have been. If you think about it, most of us have done some of the same things the road rager is doing.
-If the road rager is giving you the one finger salute, smile and wave like you just saw your best friend. It can't hurt.
-Breathe deep and relax. The more relaxed you are,the better decisions you will make and the better reaction time you will have if you get in a tight spot because of the road rager's dangerous driving.
-If you are religious and/or believe in the power of prayer, say a brief prayer for the road rager. Pray for their safety and the safety of the other drivers. Pray that they will find peace of mind as soon as possible.
-Think about your best friend, your pet or the funniest joke you've heard recently. Remember someone who loves you. This keeps you from being totally caught up in the emotional reaction to the road rager's behavior.
-If you become paralyzed in fear when faced with other drivers' road rage, read about Mastering the Fear Mind.
-If you get angry yourself in response to the road rager's behavior, try some of these anger control techniques or, check out the Ebook, CD/audio download entitled, Anger Management Techniques.
-If you want to become more peaceful in traffic, check out this audio program on meditation.
Healthy Anger and Your Health