How To Know If You Have An Anger Problem

DO YOU HAVE AN ANGER PROBLEM?
By William G. DeFoore, Ph.D., as found in his best-selling book

HOW TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH ANGER

Many of you already know that you have a problem with anger. For those of you who are not sure, here are some indicators:

-When you get angry, you don't get over it. Sometimes it lasts until you explode, or it may go inside to fuel the fires of your rage. You may be one who "holds a grudge."
-You never get angry. You just don't have the emotion. There are times when you know you should be angry, but the emotion just doesn't seem to come.
-Your anger is "watered down" and you never fully release it.
-You feel frustrated, disappointed or irritable much of the time, but you just don't ever get angry. Anger may be an unacceptable emotion to you, whereas frustration, disappointment or irritability are more acceptable, however unpleasant. This can interfere with or prevent any meaningful level of fulfillment or joy in life.
-You are sarcastic or cynical about yourself, others or the world around you. You may tease others with "velvet daggers" in some of your "jokes," only to be surprised when they don't want to be around you. You don't openly express anger but it is leaking out all the time.
-You may be depressed frequently and for long periods of time. You don't express anger openly but take it out on yourself, whether you realize it or not. This can lead to suicidal thoughts and behavior or perhaps major illness (Pearsall, 1987).
-Perhaps you are angry all the time. You may be verbally, emotionally or even physically abusive to others in personal and professional relationships. This doesn't mean that you are a bad person, but it certainly means you need to learn to manage your anger. If you have indeed been abusive, it is almost certain that you will need professional help to work through your problems with anger.
-You feel powerless in your own life—powerless to make the changes you choose to reach your goals. Though you may not use the word, you feel like a victim much of the time. You probably have many ways to explain why you can't live your dreams, all of which seem very reasonable to you. The point is that if you are denying your power by denying your emotions, you are getting in your own way. To claim all of your emotions as your allies, and to express them in healthy ways is to maximize your resources for your own expression of purpose in your life.

If you feel that any of these examples apply to you, then you probably have a problem with anger. You will find helpful plans and suggestions throughout this book that are designed to move you toward emotional health and overall well being.

HEALTHY ANGER
When it is expressed in healthy ways, anger may not even look like anger. If anger were always aggressive, as we often expect, it would not be at all helpful in creating intimacy. Here are some points to consider about anger, when it is expressed in healthy ways:
-Healthy, current anger involves no blame or accusing.
-When expressed in appropriate ways, anger is nothing more than focused and directed emotional energy.
-When focused and directed, emotional energy gives emphasis, strength and clarity to expression.
-Healthy anger does not attack or hurt anyone.
-Healthy anger is an expression of love.
-As an expression of love, healthy anger gives strength to personal boundaries.
-Without the empowerment of healthy anger, boundaries are too soft and in some cases, nonexistent.
- When expressed appropriately, anger gives us the security we need to risk the vulnerability of true intimacy.

Check out Dr. DeFoore's TWO BOOKS ON ANGER now!